Seven more days passed before Andrew and his men reached the fields surrounding his castle. Seven long, unbearable days and nights of wondering about Van, and what devilment she might be getting into. Wondering if she was even still there or if she had gone back to wherever she came from. Wondering what she looked like naked…Andrew shook his unbound hair and stopped those wicked thoughts in their tracks before they could tempt him further. The strange woman ‘twas an inconvenience, naught more. He had more pressing matters at hand and needed to have his wits about him if he were to…. what in the name of all that is holy….?

He raised a hand to stop the men’s forward progress, then shielded his eyes against the glare of the rising sun and waited to see if it happened again. He counted to ten, and sure enough, another missile blasted over the bailey wall. “The keep is under attack!” he roared, spurring his horse forward even as his sword rang free from the sheath.

The soldiers rode at a breakneck speed but still could not keep up with Andrew as his great stallion flew across the grassy field, kicking up a rooster tail of dirt clods in his wake. Another airborne object soared over the wall, but upon drawing closer, he realized it had legs and shrieked with laughter. Andrew reined in so hard, Sgiathan reared as he slid to a halt. The other men joined him, and all mouths dropped open in utter shock. “What new hell is this?” he swore under his breath, shaking himself again as the adrenaline rush subsided.

“Which new hell are ye referring to, Milaird? There are several, to my eyes,” Rabbie asked aloud, then gave a visible start as he watched the walls of the keep. “Saints in heaven, what is that?”

“It appears to be a bairn,” Andrew said thoughtfully as yet another one went flying through the air.

“No, that.”

Andrew looked to where the captain pointed and saw about a dozen of his men, all leaning forward on one foot and waving their arms slowly around as if they were doing a strange sort of dance. They moved in unison, their arms and legs bent in graceful arcs as they progressed from one pose to the next in fluid movement. “Twould seem, Captain,” he said, sheathing his sword with a sigh, “the entire castle has run mad in our absence.” He waved the soldiers forward again, and they rode at a more leisurely pace while he pondered on how to deal with this latest stramash.

Small campsites had sprouted up around the outer walls as the clan visitors made themselves at home. Wagons laden with various wares for sale or trade, children playing, friends meeting friends they hadn’t seen in years – the air was thick with the aroma of savory meat and delicious foods cooking over small fires, music, laughter, and camaraderie. Andrew smiled as he and the men dismounted and, leading their horses, made their way toward the castle gate. A cluster of laughing children ran past, the oldest girl and a younger lad walking behind them and carrying large, covered baskets. They wore the strangest multicolored léines Andrew had ever seen, reminding him of wee barefooted rainbows. Each color had a circular pattern, its rings showing what must have been the fabric’s original hue.

Ignoring the wardrobe puzzle, Rabbie’s keen nose perked up. “What have ye in those baskets, mo nighean?”

“Treats for the weans. They was giving ‘em out at the baker, Sir,” she stopped to answer. “Would ye like some? We have more than enough.” She pulled back the cloth for them to peer inside, and both men sighed with pleasure at the wonderful smell. “Fresh from the oven, Sir.”

Andrew and Rabbie eagerly took one each of the strange pastries and gave them a close inspection. “By what name do ye call these, Sweetling?” Andrew asked.

The child nibbled her lip as she tried to remember. “’Twas an odd name, she called it…something pie…whoopie pie, Sir, but ‘tis only two small cakes with sweet cream in the middle. These are chocolate, but they had other kinds too.”

The boy piped up. “The others she said was fried ears. I doona think it is a real ear, but they sure do taste good.”

Rabbie seemed to approve; both of his were gone in four large bites. “Thank ye most kindly, Mistress. Very tasty indeed,” he said formally, inclining his head in a solemn bow. The girl flushed with pleasure, bobbed a fast curtsey, then scampered to catch up with her friends.

Andrew inspected his ear, which indeed looked like a flat piece of dough that had been fried and dusted with a fine white powder he was delighted to find was sugar. He took a little longer to savor his, stretching it out to six bites. “That was fine indeed,” he murmured, licking the sweetness from his fingertips. “It would seem some changes have been made since we have been afield.”

“Aye,” Rabbie said, pointing to a far field. “That doesnae look like shinty to my eyes.”

A group of young men were positioned around a single boy standing atop a low mound. He shook his head, then nodded once and threw a ball at one of the youths, who swung at it with what appeared to be a long, straight stick. A closer look revealed they wore strange, short sleeve léines with either LA or NY marked on them. After several wild attempts, the club finally struck the ball. The youngster dropped the stick and took off running towards the first of the standing men while the others scrambled to retrieve the ball. The gathered crowd cheered when he made it to the first man before the ball was recovered and urged him to run to the next. Another lad was running as well, and the gathered audience instructed him loudly to go home. To their further amazement, there were lasses on the field as well, playing alongside the boys.

Andrew shook his head. “Nay, not shinty.” He started to speak again, but froze at the sight of another young man passing through the crowd. All that was visible over the others was the ginger hair moving at an alarmingly rapid pace for someone on foot, even if he were running from a pack of wolves.

The boy broke free of the crowd and waved wildly at Andrew while trying to maintain his balance on the wobbling contrivance. “Welcome home, Milaird! I am taking this cheese to Mrs. Norris in the kitchens – I will let her know yer back!”

“What the hell is that yer riding?” Andrew yelled.

“Milady calls it a bi-cycle. It sure makes running errands for the kitchen a lot faster,” he said, gesturing to the full basket tied to the handlebars. “Beggin’ yer pardon, but Herself said she’d skelp me if I wasna back in but a few minutes.”

“Milady…?”

“Milady Van, Sir,” the boy called back over his shoulder as he sped towards the castle.

Speechless, Andrew waved the boy on his way and avoided looking at Rabbie, who he knew was struggling not to laugh at his laird. When they finally reached the dancing soldiers, his curiosity overrode his desire to be home. He clapped a hand down firmly on the nearest man’s shoulder. “Eòghann, lad - have ye all gone daft?” he demanded. “What on earth are ye about?”

Eòghann whirled into a wide battle stance, but upon seeing Andrew and Rabbie, broke into a wide grin and straightened. “Welcome home, Milaird, Captain. We are training for battle, a new way from the Orient, she says. The far East.”

Andrew gave a start. “She who?”

“Milady Van, Sir. She said it would give us balance and help us stay in the now, but I dinna know what she meant by that – Angus, what else is the orient dancing supposed to do again?” he asked the gigantic man next to him.

Angus’s brow furrowed in a concerted effort to stand upright with one booted foot on his knee and arms stretched overhead like tree limbs. “Help us ground and center, and rid us of stress, whatever that be,” he answered, sweat beading up on his upper lip in his massive effort not to fall over. “’Tis a wee bit odd looking, but it does make a body feel good, eh?” He planted both feet and shook himself all over. “Ye should give it a try, Mi- “

Andrew put a hand up before he could finish, refusing to acknowledge how his heart skipped a beat to learn she might yet still be here. He would sort that out later. “And where is she now?”

“She was playing in the yard with the bairns earlier, shooting them out of the catapult. She rigged it so’s it tosses them right into the pond behind the stables.”

Andrew knew without a doubt he had misunderstood the man. “She did what?”

“Shoot the weans out of the catapult, Sir.” Another child screamed with delight as he flew through the air. “Like that,” Angus said lamely, gesturing skyward.

This time, he heard the loud splash and more uproarious laughter. “And none of ye thought to stop her? What if a bairn is injured or drowns? What the hell were ye thinking, man?”

Angus’s wide forehead crinkled as his brows drew together. “Well, in truth we was all worried until she tried it herself first, and – “

“She did WHAT?”

“Milady tried it out herself first to make sure she got all the measuring right, Sir. Gave us a terrible fright, it did, but it worked just as she said it would,” he assured. “Canny lass, she is. Said she had to calculate some to get it right. She made vests out of some old fishing corks, Sir, to keep the weans from drowning when they gets thrown. Even if they go all the way down to the bottom, they pops right back up again like a…” He paused and frowned again, then smiled brightly,” …like a cork! She found a way to measure how deep the water is, said she’d need to know to figure out where to place the catapult, and – “

One of the other men piped up. “She shot some other things first, said she was trying to get the tension and weight right. Rocks and hay bales, mostly. Once she did it herself, we all got a turn.”

“Ye did what? No,” Andrew waved his hand for it all to stop. “And none of ye thought this was a mad thing to do?”

“Ye should try it, Milaird, ‘tis quite exhilarating. Even Cook and Mrs. Norris – “

“Do not tell me ye allowed –“ He closed his eyes, trying to picture the two older women sailing through the air and into the pond. He failed miserably.

“Several times, Sir. I doona think I’ve ever heard Herself laugh so.”

Andrew nodded once. “Where is she now?”

“Mrs. Norris? Likely up at the castle, Sir.”

“No, the other one. Milady Van, as ye call her,” he said slowly, enunciating each syllable.

The soldiers all looked at each other in confusion. “She was playing with the bairns early this morn, Sir.”

Closing his eyes and murmuring a fervent prayer for strength, Andrew asked again through gritted teeth, “But where is she now?”

Another man shoved Angus out of the way. “This time of day, most like the kitchen, Sir. The food coming out of there now is wondrous good.”

Rabbie arched an eyebrow in surprise and chuckled. “Och, aye? Now that is something we should go see about, wouldna ye say, Andy? I’m nigh on famished.”

Andrew knew the look on his face would have frightened the livestock, but decided he would apologize later. Right now, he had more important things to deal with, such as what else that strange woman had disrupted in his home. Well, that and what she looked like naked. He’d sort that out later, too.

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